Are you looking for not just a new religion, but a swashbuckling adventure of a religion? The Gospel of Bowtie, the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, brings you enlightenment, critical thinking, and pirates. Toss out all those dusty old scriptures and make room on your bookshelf for scarecrow Nazis, disassembled brain parts, and robotic monks. There is a better book in town, one that does not advocate for genocide, misogyny, discrimination, and slavery. Already a Pastafarian? You can throw away your eyepatch. Bowtie is the new covenant! (Like all good religions, the Gospel of Bowtie is blasphemous in the eyes of other religions. Be forewarned.)