What can I say about "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" (OCD)? Well, I have lived it for the last ten years or so, sometimes suffering minor symptoms and other times trapped in the deep vicious cycle and pit of its most escalated forms, bringing me close to the edge of insanity. I have grumbled in annoyance and I have cried out in anguish and torment. I have turned light switches on and off several times to make sure the light was really off. I have repeatedly unlocked and locked doors to be certain that they were locked. I have rewashed my hands after touching anything with potential germs. I have checked my wallet several times to make sure that I really put my credit card back in its place. I have arranged all of the magnets perfectly in order on the refrigerator. I have rehearsed numerous events in my mind, seeking to ensure that I did everything just right and if I erred in any way, I have sought to correct it. I have found it difficult to throw out a catalog because the company went to the expense of printing it and sending it to me. I have agonized over saying anything that might be untrue in any way, shape, or form, even to the point of not wanting to speak at all. I have questioned and interrogated myself for enjoying the smell of my baby's hair when I kissed her. I have thoroughly examined myself when I have found myself fascinated over the shaping of muscles in the human body. I have asked myself, "Am I a pervert? Am I gay? Am I lusting in some way here? Is there some form of wickedness in me of which I am unaware? Am I a racist? Do I take delight in the harm that comes upon others? Have I sinned in some way of which I am unaware? Am I truly a Christian?"
Yes, I have entered and lived in the world of OCD insanity! And it has been painful at times. Warring against a conscience that is like a raging tyrant; a conscience marred by sin that won't leave me alone and is looking for absolute assurance in all areas, has often left me drained and weary. What has perhaps begun with a few additional checks of the light switch has escalated into a demanding monster, leading me to examine every minutia of life that surrounds me and is in me. Yes, I have spent time conversing with the gatekeeper of the bridge that leads to insanity. But, by the grace of God, I have also found great hope right there on the edge of insanity. I have found victory in the grace of God that continually comes to me in Jesus Christ.
My goal in this book is certainly not to list al